overwhelmed

Wow, haven't been here in a while, huh?!

Well, I came here to vent, kind of.

I am so, so, overwhelmed.

I feel like I'm coming out of a cocoon, or a long hibernation or something. I'm looking around my house, and it is such a mess. Not like your average mess. A big, huge, hairy, ugly, unorganized, disaster mess.

Now, it's been like this as long as we've lived here, pretty much. But I'm realizing as I sit here that I've been in this daze of depression for so long that I just let it happen.

And now that I'm taking care of myself and feeling better? I can't believe this! I'm so disgusted and frustrated and...and...overwhelmed!

I get the mothering thing. I can do that. I love my kids and the time I spend with them is so joyful.

I get the wife thing. My husband and I are very blessed to still be deeply in love, and I feel like he and I are only growing closer as we get older.

I get the work thing. I mean, I do it, anyway. I hate my bill-paying job, but I do it because it pays the bills, and I pretty much do the bare minimum to get by. And I LOOOOOVE my Zumba job, but it sure takes up a lot of my time. Time I could spend on the house thing.

I do not--I repeat, DO NOT--get the house thing.

"You want me to what? Clean? Every day? And...cook? Every day? Who does that?!"

Seriously. I don't have time for this shit.

But! I'm learning. I'm learning that my attitude of "we're renting; this isn't OUR house" doesn't cut it because while it isn't our house, it is our home. And...I'm learning the cleaning thing.

Although, in case we needed evidence as to what a dork I truly am...I'm learning how to keep house...from...a book.

Gah, I'm such a dork.

My poor mother is groaning. You know, it's not like I didn't have chores growing up. I did! I folded laundry (although my husband will tell you I still totally suck at it). I mowed the lawn! I raked leaves. I cleaned my room...occasionally. I cooked dinner and cleaned the kitchen every night.

But hell, that stuff was easy to do when I didn't have a job (ahem, two jobs) and a hubby and kids and a social life and hobbies and...the damn internet to suck up all my time!

OK, coffee break's almost over. Then back to cleaning. Possibly. I have good motivation: I want to have a yard sale to earn money for this and this and this and possibly these, and if I clean the house, I'll find more stuff to sell. I'm trying to do a two-birds-with-one-stone thing. Get yard sale stuff, clean and organize. All that = me overwhelmed, though.

S'all good. I'll just push off the yard sale another week or two.

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.

Although, can I just say? What is it with my kids that they ONLY want to play with the very stuff I'm trying to clean! I clean the playroom, they go, "OOhhhh, clean playroom!" and trash it. I clean the craft table? "OOooooh! We have paint!" and trash that too.

My next cup of coffee might just have something extra special in it.

Do you ever get to feeling like you would like to just tell the entire world to go shove it?!

I get like that sometimes.

I need a vacation.

I need for this school year to be over already.

For now I guess I have to settle for more coffee.

pretty pretty links

Hi, remember me!

OK, first thing's first. I would like to say:

GO SOX!!!

ok, got that out of my system. ;)

Hm...what else to write about? I've been kind of in a funk lately, which is why you haven't heard from me. I don't know what it is--I love fall, it is my very favorite time of year--but I think I am just overwhelmed, trying to juggle everything. So what better way than to deal with everything but to stay in bed late, not leave the house, and only shower when the kids complain?

OK, OK, kidding. I do try to shower once a week, at least. ;)

No really though--I've taken on too much stuff and I can't keep all these balls in the air. Got to learn to say no! And a several of my "things" keep me in close working relationship with people I don't like very much, which is stressful. Grr.

What I need is to get off my behind. Get organized. Get de-cluttered. Clean my dang house. I can't drop any of the balls neatly until the end of the school year so I just have to keep up and, God help me, not say yes to any-freaking-thing else. Haha, which is kind of funny since I'm looking to add some more Zumba classes to my schedule. I tell myself that doesn't count because I love my Zumba classes but let's face it--it's still more stuff. But I know from experience that trying to juggle in a cluttered, messy, energy-sapping environment is a lot harder than doing it in a peaceful zen garden.

Not that I have one of those.

But I could clean my dang house.

So tonight, after work (which I will not stress about or be grumpy for, even though I am not supposed to work on Thursdays because I teach Zumba on Thursdays and had to get someone to fill in for my class tonight) I will go to the store and buy myself some soy milk. I will come home and make myself a yummy soy pumpkin spice latte in a very very cute Starbucks halloween mug, and I will dig in to my house. Tonight: the kitchen and dining room. Tomorrow: the mess that has swallowed my desk. Early Saturday morning: the bathroom.

And so help me if I come home from working all weekend and my hard work is puked all over. That is the worst part of trying to clean! I come home after working so hard at home and working so hard at the j-o-b and stuff is tossed on my desk, dishes are sitting in the sink, toothpaste is all inside the bathroom sink and the last person to go didn't flush... Things like that are what get me so funk-y and down and then I don't do anything until it builds up so I don't know where to start so I don't do anything so it builds up so I get funk-y...

Fortunately I have some secret weapons. Or, y'know, not so secret:

1. Loud Zumba music.
   
2. an MP3 player for when loud music is not an option
3. yummy-smelling cleaning products
   
4. fresh air--I open the windows, even if it's 45 degrees out. It's SOOOO good, dontcha think?!

And I am going to throw things away.

Oh yes.

If we don't use it, out it goes. Maybe I'll find some things for ebay. Or freecycle. Or Big Sister Big Brother. But it's going. Dave Ramsey, the financial guy we follow, says to sell everythinig that isn't nailed down until the kids are afraid they're next. :) Well, the kids probably don't have to worry--we're kind of attached to them--but they'd better hide their favorite toys cuz Mama's on a rampage.

And then? When I'm finally done cleaning for the night? I'm going to work on ideas for my nanowrimo novel. Because I will finish this year, dammit. Provided my overworked, underpaid laptop doesn't bust down like last year.

So that's tonight. I'll probably be up forever but if it gets me ahead? Even a little? It's worth it. I just hope I don't get sucked into watching the Sox beat the crap out of the Rockies play because if I let myself sit down to watch it, I'll never get up again.