colors of fall

Signs that I am not ready to send the kids back to school:

1. I'm bothering to blog about it.
2. I still haven't bought school snacks because looking at anyting vaguely back-to-school related makes me all teary.
3. I'm pouting as I write this.
4. I refuse to go to sleep because when I wake up it will be one day closer to back-to-school and don't bother trying any of that "It's coming regardless of whether you sleep" logic crap.
5. There are large amounts of things not normally found in the Tragically Unhip household such as Pop Tarts (which suddenly come in delish ice-cream-y flavors like mint chocolate chip and cookie dough) and expensive sugary brand-name cereals and Oreos and five cartons of ice cream (although one is actually a box of ice cream pops, so there) partly because I want to give my children special treats--and we don't usually use food as reward around here, not healthy, don'tcha know--and partially (OK, mostly) because I'm all emotional and eat-y.

It isn't usually like this. Usually, by the second week of August I'm all, "Someone call the school! They've got to open early! Get these kids out of my house!!!" But this year I'm just not ready. I don't want my babies to leave me!!

Why? Well, I think there are a few things. For one, we had a great, fun summer. Last summer Bek was a little baby and I was overwhelmed and PPD and we didn't really do much or go anywhere or see anyone. This summer she's older, I'm healthy, we did lots of fun stuff, and I don't want it to end.

For another thing, this is the first year that Devy is going to school. She was my baby for four years before Bek was born, and now she's all...big. She's reading and writing and conversing and getting independent and where she used to be a little fraidy-girl princess, she's now braver and stronger and more sure of herself. And I put her hair up for the first time (ever!) today and I swear she looked 7, not 5. Not my baby.

...hold on...there I go...gimme a second...

OK.

And Jo, the oldest. She's 8. She's so great. I love talking to her, and she's not a little girl anymore. She's still young, of course, but you can see the young woman she's going to be. She's matured so much.

I am so, so thankful I get to stay home during the day to be with my babies before they're off to school. Cuz once they go to school it's like you're no longer their primary influence. Their number one concern is no longer whether they're pleasing you. The whole world comes into play. And it's wonderful, and I'm thankful that I can give our girls a solid foundation from which to launch them. It just stinks because sometimes it feels like that's it for me. I've done my job and now, because I work nights and weekends and don't get to spend much time with Jo during the school year, I have to release her to daddy and the rest of the world. Good thing hubby's there--what would I do otherwise?

Oh, the melodrama. I just had to get it off my chest. :)

Now I can concentrate on all the good things about school starting...like FALL!! My favorite season!! And pumpkins, ooh, and pumpkin spice lattes from Starbucks, and sweaters, and tights, and boots, and crunchy leaves, and the smell of fires burning, and HALLOWEEN! and crisp apples and apple picking! and cider and hay rides and haunted houses and hot cocoa... I love fall! Fall fall fall, fall fall fall...